Author’s Log: NaNoWriMo 2023 Day 14
Day 14 of NaNoWriMo, and I hate my story, and I want to delete everything and start over from scratch.
Look, there's no easy way to sugarcoat this feeling, but at this moment, I have nothing I truly like about this story. Maybe it's the state of my life making me feel more doubtful about my story, but at this point, I want to delete everything I have and start over because the story isn't doing what I want it to do.
I'm not loving the characters, the plot feels all over the place right now with no direction, and the romance is moving at a snail's pace and not in a good slow-burn way (Not that I like slow burns to begin with). It feels like I don't know what this story is about anymore because it's not showing in the plot. Maybe I was trying to combine too many things at once, I don't know, but it's very frustrating, to say the least.
I haven't felt like this with a story concept in a long time, and I think this is partially because I usually have a full outline to make the process go smoother. At the beginning of this NaNoWriMo, I had an outline with a beginning and end with minor plot points in between but nothing concrete. I thought I would let myself discover more of the plot as I went through the story, and now that I'm almost halfway through the month, I'm discovering that I hate that method. It's like when you go bowling with the gutters wide open. I need guard rails to keep me in check because, without them, I feel perpetually in the gutters.
I think it's mainly because the heart of the story is not shining through the way I wanted it to. I said multiple times how I wanted this story to evoke the feelings of whimsy I had from watching the old Barbie movies and the Tinker Bell franchise, and, right now, my story isn't giving any of that. It's not a story I'm constantly fantasizing about, and the whole point of this novel series was to be a big daydream.
Basically, I'm not writing the story I want to write, and I don't like it.
So, what does this mean for my project right now, and for the rest of NaNoWriMo?
Well, first of all, I'm not deleting anything because I worked hard for those numbers. Second of all, I'm going to take a few days to separate myself from the story. Instead of writing it, I will just be journaling my feelings in my document, along with writing some descriptions of seasonal things because that's what I feel like writing at this moment. I definitely need that right now, especially with my Uncle's funeral coming up on Saturday. I'm trying to let out my emotions in constructive ways.
Tomorrow, I will be ordering my favorite takeout, playing some Sims, and re-evaluating things like my therapist said I should. So hopefully, I will come back in higher writer spirits then.
Total Words Logged: 28,400
How do you feel about Your Work? : I hate all of it
Something Fun that Happened Today: Watching Annika's Leaf Vlogs
A Song on My Mind: I Wish You Cheated by Alexander Stewart
Currently Reading: Red, White, and Royal Blue Fanfiction
Something you want to do Tomorrow: Write what I can
